Have you come across a mother who laughingly reminisces
about her son, “oh Mickey had such a bad temper when he was a child, he would
kick doors when he got angry and throw huge tantrums; he was so naughty!” she
says, inwardly gloating at her now grownup son who is married and has kids of
his own? After all, kicking doors, knocking around a few punches and torturing
the neighbourhood cats was no big deal really since ‘boys were going to be boys’. Usually after such episodes, Mickey would be reprimanded and
told to go do his homework or focus on his studies. Eventually Mickey stopped
misbehaving at home. Apparently he had outgrown his tantrums.
And what about Tania
who as a child would often tell her mother that she found it hard to breathe at
times but mummy insisted that it was just psychological especially since the family
doctor also confirmed that it was all in her head? After complaining to mummy a
few times Tania decided there was no point in repeating herself, instead she
began to avoid social gatherings as it was amongst people that her symptoms got
worse.
Well Mickey grew up
into this very eligible bachelor, married a wonderful girl and they lived ….
ever after? Only quite often little things make Mickey fly into a rage and when
that happens he looses a bit of self control and may become abusive towards his
wife. Of course he apologises after, only the poor girl doesn’t know what
instigated the neurosis in the first place.
And Tania is now a mother and teaches at the neighbourhood
school. She suffers from frequent palpitations, her chest constricts and she
begins to feel dizzy till she pops a relaxant and the horrid feeling passes.
She read somewhere that this awful experience is known as anxiety.
Now if only Mickey’s parents knew that when he was a kid he
was angry because he was being bullied in school and kicking the doors at home
helped lessen his frustration. And if only Tania’s mother had realised that her
daughter was struggling to breathe because she could not keep up with her reading
comprehension in school due to poor short term memory, perhaps life would have
been easier for Tania and Mickey’s wife!
So is every angry boy a Mickey and every gasping girl Tania?
Certainly not! Do parents have to be constantly on the look out for odd
behaviours in their children? Definitely no! Paranoia breeds itself and overly suspicious parents breed anxious
children. But indifference to recurring aberrant or unusual behaviour can be
harmful and procrastination to address it is neglectful.
There are many adults who fall into the category of
individuals who have suffered from minor to major traumas in their childhood
which were left unaddressed by their parents/caregivers knowingly or
unknowingly. At times what is required is a little intervention which can have
long term benefits.
It’s frustrating though to come across obtuse parents who
procrastinate getting help for their children due to ignorance, denial or
simply cultural taboos.The relatively soft approaches such as play therapy, drama
therapy and art therapy can be used for
children in a non-confrontational way. As for those who may not have access to
therapists, a communicative and understanding parent is by himself/herself a
blessing. Listening to your children and validating their feelings is key to a
happy healthy child.
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